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Reality Sucks! I’m Gonna Keep On Dreamin
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If your name was homework, I'd be doing you on my desk right now...
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I Don’t Like The Drugs, But The Drugs Like Me
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Life's a bitch. Be its pimp
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I'm better than normal, I'm abnormal!
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A drunken man's words are a sober man's thoughts
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Save a tree, eat a beaver
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By the time you read this, you've already read it
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Most people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them
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Quitting smoking is easy, I've done it a hundred times
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I don't curse, drink and smoke. H*ly shit! My cigarette fell in my glass of beer!
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Don't steal, the government hates competition
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If you hate me, i love you too. It ain't my fault
I'm better than you
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Why do kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
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Save a horse, ride a Cowboy!
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The higher you are, the farther you fall
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Intelligence could be instinct which has it at the wrong end
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When life hands you a lemon, break out the tequila and the salt!
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What is arrogance? Thinking you can compete with me!
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I’ve lost my phone number, can I have yours?
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Trying is the first step towards failure
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I think crime pays. The hours are good, you travel a lot
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Alcohol doesn't solve any problems, but milk do?
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Smile and the world smiles with you. Fart and you stand alone
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I'm more drunk than a three-legged chicken on a wet patch of ice!
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When I'm good I'm very good but when I'm bad I'm better
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To alcohol! The cause of and solution to all life's problems
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I avoid temptation unless I can't resist it
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I love work; it fascinates me; I can sit and watch it for hours
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Booze may not be the answer, but it helps you to forget the question
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Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
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There are no stupid questions, just stupid people
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Why do we park on driveways and drive on parkways?
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When cows laugh, does milk come out of their nose?
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The easiest way to avoid a hangover is to just stay drunk
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There are some that are wise and others that are otherwise
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I'm not an alcoholic. I am a drunk. Alcoholics go to meetings
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Buy land, they have quit making it!
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Don't judge a man by his boxers, it's what's inside that counts
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Eat healthy, exercise more, still die
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Time is what keeps things from happening all at once
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What happens if you get scared half to death... twice?
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I don't have to be careful, I've got a gun
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If at first you do not succeed, destroy all evidence that you ever tried
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In the event of an emergency landing why do the people in the pamphlet look so calm?
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Two wrongs don't make a right, but three rights do make a left
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I'm only crazy when other people cant stand that I'm right
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Be back later...my dog ate my car keys....we are hitchhiking to the vet's office
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Be nice to your children. For they will be choosing your nursing home someday
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Everybody makes mistakes, that's why they put erasers on pencils
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Life is like a pack of chewing-gum; I've yet to figure out why
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You must master your joystick, as a fisherman masters bait
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The best way to get over someone is to get under someone else
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A good lawyer knows the law, a great lawyer knows the judge
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Harassing
me about my smoking may be hazardous to your health!
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Drugs cause amnesia, and other things I can't remember
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People who think they know everything are annoying to those of us who do
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There are no stupid questions, just stupid people
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Booze may not be the answer, but it helps you to forget the question
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I love work; it fascinates me; I can sit and watch it for hours
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WaNnA PLaY ArMy?? ... Ok! SiT BaCk AnD i'LL BLoW ThE HeLL OuT oF YoU!
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I'm more drunk than a three-legged chicken on a wet patch of ice!
